They put you in a big black box
by ForeverFabray
Summary: The nursery rhyme that Paula taught both Jac and Jasmine.
1. Jasmine

"Don't ever laugh  
as a Hearse goes by  
for you may be the next to die"

The small child curls up into the fetal position. Curling up to the bear that lays next to her. The night air is cool. It makes a change from the scorching weather they seemed to endure for an endless period of time. She can hear voices in the other room, her Mama has some friends over, so the small child goes forgotten, the only comfort she has is the nursery rhyme that is playing in her head, the one she is mumbling to her bear. The five year old didn't have a clue what a Hearse was, but she liked the rhyme, it was catchy. And it reminded her of her mum singing it to her when they cuddle on the sofa. The song makes her think of her perfume, just the right amount. She smiles as she remembers the smell, as she turns into her pillows, trying to sleep.

"They wrap you up in a big white sheet  
from your head down to your feet  
They put you in a big black box  
and cover you up with dirt and rocks"

This time, the blonde haired eight year old is singing it as she runs into the sea. She's not alone this time, she has friends. Talia and Noa. The three of them are racing one another into the sea. She is winning, she can feel the hot sand under her feet, until that cool feeling hits her. She turns round as her two friends join her, she smiles, as she splashes the two of them. They get into a water fight, she can see her mum on the beach. She's talking to her boyfriend, not the slightest bit interested in what her daughter is doing. She sighs, going back to the rhyme that is plauging her.

"and all goes well for about a week  
and then your coffin begins to leak  
and the worms crawl in,  
the worms crawl out"

The twelve year old is clad in a black dress and sunglasses, holding her mothers hand as the coffin is lowered into the ground. All she can think about is how the worms will get in their. She knows that when she dies, she wants to be cremated. She doesn't like the thought of worms in the coffin, even though she is aware it's just a childish rhyme, it still haunts her. Her mother motions for her to join her in throwing dirt over the coffin of her mothers finace, as she can't stop thinking about worms in the coffin. It gives her the creeps, as her mum pulls her in for a hug.

"the worms play pinochle  
on your snout  
They eat your eyes,  
they eat your noes  
they eat the jelly between your toes"

The seventeen year old can feel her heart rate slowing, staring at the ceiling, she can hear the guy next to her beginning to give into sleep. The song is haunting her now. She can't sleep, the alcohol is coursing through her veins. She has far to much energy, so she gently slips out, putting on her bra and knickers, going to search for her shorts and top. She stares at the guy sprawled out on the bed. She knows him, he goes to her school, Jamie. She sighs as she leaves the room unnoticed, sneaking out the front door. She makes the short walk to her house. Paula is in hospital, she's sick. With her kidneys, so Jasmine is home alone. They are planning to make a trip to England, to visit her grandfather. She says trip, they are moving there. She passes out on the sofa.

"the worms that crawl in are lean and thin  
your eyes fall in  
and your hair falls out  
your brain comes tumbling"

The now nineteen year old is sitting on an uncomfortable chair at the royal United hospital, in Bath. She doesn't know what to say, or what to think. She genuinely feels like her brain has tumbled out, like the song says. She can see the ginger woman lying in the bed, as the American guy tries to convince her that she should meet her, Jasmine. Her younger half sister. It's a weird concept to Jasmine. She's got a sister, Paula isn't her only family. Her head can't take it. Jasmine has other family, she has a sister. She always wanted one, one to love her. To look after her.

"down your snout  
and the worms crawl in,  
the worms crawl out  
they crawl all over your dirty snout"

She just stands there, as she has accusations shouted at her. "A whore." She just looks down "dirty" the dirty reminds her of the the rhyme. She is dirty, she shouldn't have slept with him, but she didn't mean for his wife to catch them, she wasn't expecting his eight year old daughter to catch them in bed. Apparently the wife was supposed to be out, so he invited Jas round. She accepted because she had nothing better to do. She is finally excused, leaving the house as quickly as she can. Although it is May, she is cold. The hot weather in England doesn't compare to the heat in Goa. She just sighs, as she stops at the local cafe, to get a skinny latte. Deciding what she wants to do next.

"your chest caves in  
and your eyes pop out  
your brain turns to saurkraut"

She sees the saurkraut in fridge at her latest bunk up. She's subletting in an apartment. No one's home, so she's making food. Saurkraut makes her laugh, thinking back to all the times her mum used to sing that ridiculous song. She always emphasised the word sauerkraut. She looks in her locket, Jacs back tomorrow. She wonders what will lie ahead. What her sister is like. She's heard horror stories, she's heard of the 'ice queen'. She just smiles, because whatever she's like, she is going to be close to her only remaining family.

"hey invite their friends,  
and their friends too they all come down  
to chew on you  
and this is what it is to die,"

She just lays in the the on call room. Trying to sleep, except what happened with Morven plays on her mind. She didn't mean it in a malicious way, far from it. Morven was her friend. She loved her. She already had been told what for by Fletch. She thought about Elinor, about Serena and how sorry she was, nothing ever seemed to be enough. She thought about Jac, who wanted nothing to do with her. Is this what it is to die?

"I hope you had a nice goodbye  
did you ever think  
as a Hearse goes by that  
you might be the next to die"

She reads the accounts, staring at what happened there. Trying to get her head around it. About what Jac when through, what Fran went through. She reads about the suicides in the home, because of the sexual assault. The pictures of the buildings give her chills. Even the building is creepy. Her mind searches back to that song. Humming it to herself as she makes herself a coffee, she can't give up her research now. She wants to know why Jac is the way she is, and she wants a way to get through to her that she loves her.

"and your eyes fall out  
and your teeth decay  
and that is the end of a perfect... day"

She shuts her eyes, she can hear everyone shouting. She can't speak, the pain is far too much. She just stares at Morven. She's shouting at Romeo. He's cute. She would totally gone for him, but she knows she's not going to survive this. He runs off, and all Jas can do is mutter the word Jac. She thinks about the voice mail she left Jac, hoping that Fran hadn't deleted it. She wanted Jac to know she loves her.

She doesn't know what's happening. She's not really in it. She hears the word trauma bay, but nothing else seems real. Until her sister came in. She tells her that she's going to save her, Jasmine knows different. She's a bright girl. She knows that whatever Jac tries isn't going to work. She smiles as Jac tries to help her, she's conscious enough to grab her hand, staring at her palm. She was right. Fran was delusional. She just hopes someone else will pick up on it. Her head hurts, and she doesn't know how long she can go on like this, the pain in her side. She looks up at Jac, pleased that she came. It shows thay what she said earlier she didnt mean, she came. Surely that means Jac loves her. She can hear Jac shouting at her as she fades out, that stupid rhyme still in her head from last night. She knows that this is the end, but it was OK because she knew that Jac loved her. Nothing could change that.


	2. Jac

"Don't ever laugh  
as a Hearse goes by  
for you may be the next to die"

Paula sings this to her screaming young daughter, trying to calm the two year olds tantrum. The ginger child won't stop, shes obviously hell bent on causing as much trouble as she can for Paula. It doesn't stop Paula singing it, whispering it in a single song way to her daughters ear.

:They wrap you up in a big white sheet  
from your head down to your feet  
They put you in a big black box  
and cover you up with dirt and rocks"

The White duvet she was covered in now makes her think of that rhyme. The six year old Jac lays in bed, hoping that she can fall asleep. She an hear her mum, she's shouting at some man. All Jac wants is a cuddle. But Paula says she's too naughty. She grabs her bear as the shouts get louder. Then it goes silent. The doors slam and everything goes silent. Jac lays there for ages, reciting the nursery rhyme under her breath. She eventually gets up the courage, she goes to the front room. It's empty. As is the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. Her Mamas gone. Her little heart sinks, as she goes back to bed.

The empty house scares Jac. She can't sleep, tossing and turning. She eventually hears the door open. She can't bet out of bed, mummy will be annoyed. She lays awake, soon moaning fills Jacs ears. The seven year old not quite grasping what Paula is doing. Yet it will be something that will haunt Jac as she gets older, and understands.

"and all goes well for about a week  
and then your coffin begins to leak"

Jacs grandad requested that Jac be taken to his wife's funeral. She adored Jac. The ten year old Jac was close to her grandma. She wears a knee length black dress, her ginger hair down. She doesn't stand with her mother. She doesn't like her anymore. She's mean, she's different and she loathes her young daughter. Jac does a reading, her grandfather wanted her too. She reads in a crystal clear voice, somehow finding the courage to talk in front of 40 people she didnt know.

As the coffin is lowered, ready to be cremated, Jac hums the nursery rhyme. She is glad that her grandma won't have the chance to be eaten by worms. She cuddles up to her grandad as they leave the church. None of the really know what's happened, she died very quickly. The whole family is in shock. Paula keeps talking about moving to India. Jac refuses, India is hot. She will burn, and that's painful. Not that Paula cares. She's made it very clear to Jac that she is an inconvenience.

"and the worms crawl in,  
the worms crawl out"

Jac sits by a tree. Paula left her a month ago. She's been here a whole month. She hates it. She watches the worms crawl in and out of the tree. Wishing how she could go into hiding like they do. She hates Paula, but not as much as she hates herself. If she had been good, she would have gone. If she had didn't kick off she would have been in India. If she hadn't ever been naughty, Paula would have loved her.

She's in the back corner of the garden. It's a pretty, summery day. The temperatures not overly hot, but it's warm enough for Jac to be without a jumper. She sits there, singing quietly to the worms. The song Paula used to sing, as if it was a comfort to the scared eleven year old. She doesn't like the creepy men, the "uncles" So she stays out the way, keeping herself to herself. She's heard the rumours, she's not stupid. She doesn't do anything naughty. Not here, not at school.

"the worms play pinochle  
on your snout"

She was playing pinochle with some of the other girls, Bethany, Rebecca and Fran. When he came, he called Fran to his office. She just looked at them as they carried on playing. By now, Jac was 16. She was leaving soon. She just carried on playing, worn down by the system. She was sick of it. Paula rarely crossed her mind, just her life before this dump. She knew what she wanted to do now, and she worked for it.

She lied when she told Bethany that she didn't think of Paula. She did, she thought of her silly songs. The way she smelt. But she felt particularly miserable when they provide, aged pinochle. She thought of her, and her grandparents. They had tried teaching it to Jac when she was nine, except she kept getting distracted. That song came on in her head everytime it was mentioned. And by default, Paula was remembered.

"They eat your eyes,  
they eat your noes  
they eat the jelly between your toes"

She can't help thinking about this song when they start desecting bodies. Eighteen year old Jac is now at uni, studying medicine. The lecturer was talking about decomposition of the body, she remembers once in history they were talking about world war one and the trenches. The decomposition of bodies. She tried to erase the memory of this song, as if it would erase Paula. Erase her memory, yet she can't seem to shift the song.

"A big green worm with rolling eyes  
crawls in your stomach  
and out your eyes "

Jac sat in the library, trying to study for her final exams. They are in the morning, and it's currently 11PM. Yet she can't seem to concentrate. She can't seem to get the image of worms out of her head, after watching some show the morning before. For the last seven years, that song had gone unheard, yet it was back again. At the worst moment in time for Jac. She gives up, walking back to her room and going to sleep.

"your stomach turns a slimy green  
and puss comes out like whipping cream  
you spread it on a slice of bread  
and thats what you eat  
when your dead  
and the worms crawl out  
and the worms crawl in"

She saw the spread that they laid out for the gradation, whipped cream and sandwiches. She sighs, wanting to cry. She doesn't have anyone here. The song that hasn't left her since that night plays in her mind. She goes to the graduation, alone. How sad is that? Or that's what she tells herself. She stands with her year, as they receive their degrees. She just smiles along with the rest of them, perfectly aware of how much she stuck out. She was the most vibrant redhead in her year, along with her deathly pale complexion, she stood out. Just like she had for the rest of her life. She just sighs, willing the day to be over. So she can get on with her life, with being a good doctor.

"the worms that crawl in are lean and thin  
your eyes fall in  
and your hair falls out  
your brain comes tumbling  
down your snout"

She gets ready for her first day doctoring. She's so tired, she doesn't want to mess up. She's worked so hard to get here, for it to mess it up, it would be a tragedy. Yet she is so tired, she feels like her eyes will fall out. She just sighs, trying to sleep. She's haunted by memories of the children's home, not that anything happened to her, it's just the whole idea of it. She falls into an uneasy sleep, where the adults became worms, crawling into her life as adult. She wakes up in a deep sweat, but she's OK. It was only a dream.

"and the worms crawl in,  
the worms crawl out  
they crawl all over your dirty snout  
your chest caves in  
and your eyes pop out  
your brain turns to saurkraut"

She's at a posh restaurant, with people from work. Her eyes scour over what the table has on it. The one jar particularly catching her eye, saurkraut. Remembering that song she was taught as a child, Jac can no longer remember who taught her. She thinks it was her mother, but the adult Jac cannot remember clearly. She can't always remember the words correctly either, it was that long ago.

"They invite their friends,  
and their friends too they all come down  
to chew on you"

Jac didn't know how to feel. Michael tries to persuade her to meet the child. Something about her not leaving until she meets Jac. She refuses, how could Paula do this? What was wrong with Jac? She feels like Michael is chewing on her ear to meet the kid. She doesn't want to. She wants to go home, she wants two kidneys. She wants to be left alone. Yet when she is, she is plagued by that stupid song. It all came back to her before the operation. And now it won't leave her head.

"and this is what it is to die,  
i hope you had a nice goodbye  
did you ever think"

Jac sings to Emma, as they watch the sunrise. They sit there, both quiet. Emma is absorbed in the sunrise, yet Jac is conflicted. Paula's death threw her. But she made her think of Emma. Think what's best for her baby. She doesn't know if she has the strength to say goodbye to her baby, even if she knew it was the best thing for Emma. It was killing her, as she packed Emma's bag, ready to give to Johnny. She knew that this is what is best for her daughter, even if it's not for her.

"as a Hearse goes by that  
you might be the next to die"

After the meeting with Jasmine, she can't get that damn nursery rhyme out of her head. She brought back all that hurt and resentment. Apparently she wanted to get to know Jac, except she didnt want to. She didnt need this. Paula left her, the hurt is still raw. Jasmine is a permanent reminder of this.

The whole of Darwin has taken a shine to her. She wants to like her, yet she can't. She can't escape, Jacs now on the prowl to look for an excuse to kick her off her ward, yet she doesn't seem to be giving her one. She can't kick her out on the basis that she reminds her of Paula, a very personal reason. It's not allowed, apparently.

"and your eyes fall out  
and your teeth decay  
and that is the end of a perfect... day"

She regrets what she said almost immediately after she said it. Of course she cared about Jasmine. Jac can see how it is hurting her inside. That's why she talks to Bernie, she doesn't want her sister to suffer. She is actually quite fond of the kid now. She wants to build some sort of relationship.

When that new F1 comes in, she knows something is up. As she runs to AAU, she prays she can see her. She wants to be able to save her baby sister. She stares at the semi conscious Jasmine, trying to help. Jac hopes now that Jasmine saw it as her showing her love. She prays that Jasmine could tell. As she sits in the morgue the next day, she sings lovingly into Jasmine stayed ear. The nursery rhyme they both knew. Jac knowing full well that she can't hear. Yet it comforts Jac. She sits there, holding Jas' hand, stroking the cold palm of her hand, singing this rhyme. She wants to believe in Heaven, she knows Jas will be there. She wants to think that Jasmine is watching her right now, so she knows that she cares. That the blonde haired junior doctor knows that Jac loved her, because she did.

The elder sister breaks down in tears, hugging the thin frame of her body, the whole time singing to her sister, kissing her hand and her hair. Willing for her to live, even though she knows she's dead.


End file.
